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(I haven’t written a blog post in a while, so now seems like as good a time as any.)

A List of Lessons That Were Reviewed:

Refresher Course in Life Lesson #5: Two objects cannot occupy the same space at the same time.

Refresher Course in Life Lesson #438: Daily routines are valuable, but if disturbed they can lead to entropy.

Timeline:
A woman, rushing out of the back door of her house with her child, neglects to press the garage door button firmly enough to actually open the garage door. This isn’t discovered until they have already left the house and locked the back door behind them.

An alternate solution, initially perceived to be faster, is quickly formulated: Enter the garage by an alternate method, open the garage door from within.

Woman and child enter the vehicle, secure seatbelts, and proceed to back into the closed garage door at a low speed, buckling the garage door and breaking the glass on the rear van hatchback door.

Human Physical Reactions: Upon hearing a crashing sound, the woman stops the van and turns around to see vein-like lines in the rear van glass, emanating from a jagged hole in the center of the same glass. The hole measures about two feet across by one foot high, is vaguely oval in shape, and is characterized by jagged edges. The child, eyes wide, observes the woman’s reaction.

Human Emotional Reaction: The woman, initially surprised, exhales deeply and rolls her eyes. “Well. That’s not good,” she says aloud. The child seems ok, but then begins to get upset. “It’s ok,” the woman says to the child, “It’s just a thing that’s broken. It’ll be fine. But I guess we have to catch the bus, because I can’t drive you to school in this thing.”

Observational note: Later interviews reveal that the woman was imagining driving down the highway, shards of glass flying onto cars behind her. At the same time she also assumed that showering broken glass onto the highway and other drivers constituted some kind of moving violation.

Ensuing Events: The woman backs out of the driveway in the van, just in time to see the school bus in the street. The woman, trying to get the bus driver’s attention, blows her horn. The bus driver is unable to hear the horn, however, and the woman decides to follow the bus to the next stop, which is just around the corner.

The bus, however, is too quick. A single child gets on the bus, and the bus pulls away.

Inside the van, the woman’s child begins to cry.

The woman reassures the child.”Oh, no! Don’t cry! It’s ok! Everything will be ok!” she says.

The bus stops a couple hundred feet down the road for the next bus rider, and the woman immediately parks the van and tells her child that they’re definitely getting on the bus this time.

The woman exits the van with the child and begins waving her arms wildly. The bus appears to be waiting for them. The child boards the bus as the woman explains to the bus driver that she has backed into the garage door several minutes ago. She then calls the child back, hugs the child (who seems to have recovered from the earlier emotional distress), repeats to the child that everything will be ok, and thanks the driver for waiting.

As the child is selecting a seat, the woman catches the child’s eye through the bus window and gives her a smile and a thumbs-up. The child smiles back.

The bus pulls away from the stop, and the woman goes back to the van, drives it around the corner, parks it in the driveway and looks at it for a long time.

Exhibits A and B: Ragged Glass and Interior Objects

Exhibit C: Humorous (?) Window Decal on Broken Glass

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Exhibit D: Attempted Artistic Impression of Broken Glass Viewed Through a Rear-View Mirror

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-End Report-

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